Stop! Does this crucial mistake prevent you from becoming a superstar?

Stars in the Sky

Stars in the sky. Source: NASA/ESA

Arnold is not the only superstar in town

Let’s say you want to be a superstar. Maybe not a pop star. Maybe not even a famous superstar. Just a superstar in one area of your life. Maybe you want to become a superstar cook. Maybe a superstar lover. Maybe a superstar in stamp collection. Whatever it is, let’s say you want it really, really bad. And you would give up a lot to get there. But you would have to share your position as superstar with somebody else. Some other guy or girl which – if you think about it for a moment – you really don’t like. Maybe, secretly, you actually hate that other person. You would not want to share your new position with anybody else. Why should you share your superstardom with somebody else? Would this not contradict your stardom?

I remember an interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was around the time when he dominated Hollywood. However, he was not the only one in town, because Sylvester Stallone had just also exploded on the scene with hits like Rambo. The journalist asked Arnold, if he was disappointed that he had to share his position as top action hero with Sylvester. But Arnold replied: “No, not at all, because America is big enough for two superstars.”

My question to you is this: What if Arnolds mindset was not the result of being a superstar, but the pre-condition to become a superstar?

Let’s ponder for a moment what else could be true. What if not only America was big enough for two superstars, but all other places equally well? I am pretty sure that this is true.

I believe that Switzerland is big enough for two superstars.

I know that your family is big enough for two superstars.

And your workplace, for sure, is big enough for two superstars too.

Your block, your club, your domain, anything else, is big enough for two superstars.

Notice your reactions

I invite you to visualize this. I started by asking myself questions. What if all my brothers and my sister were superstars in their own area? What if their success would hugely surpass my own? What if suddenly one or two of my friends would hit it big? What if one of them would become the most popular photographer, the other one a hugely successful entrepreneur, the third an immensely influential artist. Heck, what if my boring and shy neighbor suddenly turned out to be the new sensation and massively popular, successful, rich etc, while everybody else would ignore me?

I have to admit that I felt jealousy at first. I instantly thought. “Why would they deserve this? They are not better than me. I deserve this success more than them. This is not fair. I wanted it for so long. I have worked so hard for it. This is not fair that they make it, but not me.” I noticed that the muscles in my forehead pulled together. The end of my mouth moved downwards. My body tensed. I felt like looking around, as if I wanted to invite others to confirm that my impression was justified, that yes, indeed, they did not deserve their luck. Immediately I was looking for support from others to diss them, to talk them down, to take out a knife and stab them in their backs so that the old order would be reestablished and I could feel in control again.

Of course all this happened only in my imagination. It was very subtile and almost not noticeable. But I realized how bad it was, because it meant that my thinking and feeling was based in scarcity, jealousy, fear and greed.

This attitude surely does not attract anything good.

So I relaxed my body. I kept on imagining huge successes for my peers, family and friends. I kept looking for instant reactions of my body and thought about the possibilities that would come with having a hugely successful circle.

For example, having a superstar entrepreneur as friend meant, that I could get first hand advice from him. Maybe we would sit together over a beer and he would share some of his experiences with me, first hand. Maybe I could share an idea that would be useful for his business and because of his new power we would be able to work out a new business that benefited everybody, not just himself and his customers, but also myself. There was really no downside to having a superstar entrepreneur as friend. So I kept imagining this scenario over and over, until I felt comfortable and honestly happy for me and my friend.

Sometimes I would fall back and think things like this: “What if he changes his attitude after becoming famous? Maybe he becomes a real asshole. Maybe he really likes to let me feel how unimportant I am in comparison to him. I don’t want to have him as friend any more, if this happens.”

First this way of thinking seamed plausible. Haven’t you heard many times of superstars that lost contact to their friends and history? It made a lot of sense. But then it hit me. “Wait a minute!” I said to myself. “This expectation is nothing but my scarcity thinking in action. Why did I immediately expect him to become an asshole? Why did I not expect him to become an encouraging, inspiring and wonderfully helpful friend that kept being down to earth, natural and without any negative streak towards me and others whatsoever? Nobody forced me to think in either direction. It was 100% my own decision what I imagined.” I realized that I could change the way I imagined him.

So I changed the way I pictured my friend. I pictured him just as I wanted to see somebody I would trust and admire. Then I did the same thing with all my other friends, family and colleagues and their own individual, possible successes.

At the end, I imagined them all sitting together. In my mind I had brought all these superstars into one room, sitting around one table. We had a party. Everybody was having a good time. Everybody shared their experiences with each other. Everybody was a superstar. Except me. But it was difficult to see myself not as superstar, because simply imagining myself with loads of wonderful superstars around me, casually talking and having a good time automatically changed the way I perceived myself. Somehow I could not help but noticing that I was suddenly behaving like a superstar myself. I was ready to be a superstar.

Eventually it does not matter if my friends and family became superstars in real life or not. Simply the knowledge and inner attitude, that it would make life so much easier and better for everybody makes all the difference.

If you try this exercise and you cannot get over your jealousy you have a major problem. Chances are, that you are not ready to be a superstar yourself.

But it’s easy to overcome, if you understand that having superstars all around can only be good, because it will not only allow you, but force you to start really inspiring work.

Or to go back to your old shitty life of scarcity.

Set high standards

The next thing is not only to imagine how it would be if the people around you were superstars, but to demand them to be superstars. Set high standards for them. Don’t let them get away with mediocrity, half ass, bored and scarcity driven me-only behaviors. Challenge them, encourage them, expect them to be superstars.

I am sure you have heard of self-fulfilling prophecy stories. If you assume the good in others, they eventually turn out to be good. Maybe not always, maybe not lasting, maybe not towards everybody. But hey, does it cost you anything to see the good in others, even if they, themselves, are not ready to acknowledge their own good?

Chances are that they will ultimately start do do the same for you.

They will challenge you, expect you to live up to your own higher standards. They will keep you in check. And this is a good thing. Because if you have done it right, they will also be patient and forgiving, encouraging and open minded towards you, if you happen to fail once in a while. And if you are a human being there is no way around failing once in a while.

The superstars that you want to have in your life are not only challenging and demanding, they are also empathic and caring. They will help you to grow. And they want not only you, but everybody else to grow, be more happy, me more fulfilled and so on.

A world full of superstars IS possible. It would be a different world though. One that you have not experienced yet. One that is based on inspiration instead of fear.

Remember, superstars won’t show up out of the blue. You have to start first. You have to make the decision to live up to your talents first. You have to decide to want to be with superstars first. You have to demand them to be superstars first. You have to see and acknowledge their talents first. You have to open your heart first. You need to understand that every type of world is big enough for two superstars.

But you also have to accept the price. If friends and family members and lovers do not want to live a life that embraces superstars you may have to let them go.

If you grew up in a world of scarcity, you may have had no choice but to compromise. Your friends and family would have become too jealous of your success, if you had turned out to be a superstar over night. Their jealousy, greed and fear would have destroyed you.

But this was years ago. Now, if you are an adult, you can create your own world. You can decide to embrace abundance.

And you must.

Decide! Get ready! The world needs you.

Karlheinz loves you